jayivan

hard days of distant

dancing hearts race—between screens—

wishing for thunder

if you have nothing

to give but the beautiful

and sad, then give that

the faggots don’t stop,

like danceless dancers dreaming

of faraway lives

a sunset the color of disappointment,

grey and pale rust,

the row houses in half-silhouette.

a lone streetlight ignites.

bound in body braids,

desire consumes threadbare fire:

set it free. and be.

emit your light :

burn it bright /

the dim is sin ,

comprehend

the end within the

begin, a mouth agape,

the sigh breathes in

drink the coffee hot,

or remove it from the heat

before it goes stale

obliterated,

flowers expand infinite

so pretty

so witty

so so and so

words escape

this soundspace

sips the red tea

grips the lost sea

quips a straw me

all i see:

pollen-drunk bees,

fall leaves

crisscrossing desire

with live electrical wire

we fell from the skies

a sunshower in the forest

still, you bask in light::

reflect, allow love to shine

into the dark bright

I stand before you

palms outstretched, this beating heart

red and bare and cleansed

the song of crickets

in the drying lakeside fern,

so oblivious

kick the can

like you kicked my heart

smiling through the cobblestone park

truth is, i’m such a sap,

not one to mind the gap

between desire

and lost fire

/

so long as embers burn,

the heat will return

don’t got the time

for you to tarnish my shine

–

i need my light

to navigate this night

–

my body’s shape grows

into a story sewn

myths birthed

from birthing pains

bear fables

words cannot contain

the not yet

struts and clacks

slaying

where the sidewalk cracks

::

taking blood from broken knuckle—

rouging cheek, de-classing muscle

listening to techno out back with my plants, the cicadas chime along in their rolling rhythms. an orange spider rebuilds its home between the purple clematis and the purple spotted wandering jew. my neighbor tends to his garden of kale, collards, tomatoes, and peppers. the cicadas keep singing.

our insistence

our existence

witched into bliss

with a hip-bump

from a sis

the soil beneath hums

the forest within strums

the river queer cums

The gravity of

The basement green room is so strong

Not even shade escapes

after the rainstorm,

seventh avenue traffic

quietly streaming

/

brick exteriors

like a forest of mossy

trees, a canopy

/

this sweetening hush,

this urban idyll of us:

full belly, full heart

melancholy &

endless euphoria bound

in body braids

Silhouettes, paper

dolls dancing

the heady steam

the green tile

the dirty grout

the sound of water spraying against skin

let it go

hard love days

in the summer haze

i dance with thorns in

dusky light, swooning petals

convening the night

this little thing i do

this sloppy sketch

this hullabaloo

—

dismiss it fast

swipe clean the screen

smudge away all memory

cardinals in flight

while lightning bugs rest in shade

before lighting night

waking damp

from summer sleep’s rant:

the near heart’s full of fear,

as the distant one grows dear

. . .

but false mirrors shine no other face,

i must know this place:

there’s nothing wrong in floating free

on sweaty swamps of liminality

small weeds root inside

the cracks, widening the gap

for hungry trees sap

love doesn’t fade

like denim in the sun,

pale blue /

a disappearing hue:

it burns sodium bright,

black tarmac, the sole streetlight

walls go up, walls go

down’down’down—human beings

go mad round’n’round

your eyes keep dancing

through my mind, pulse-beats-binding

mine to thine in time

liminal bodies

habit liminal spaces

like faceless faces

your winter darkness

shines jetblackbright on May days

exploding with light

shoes shuffle gravel

on garden paths through cactus

bearing singing fruit

blues on beautiful

days imbue the sky above

with colorless hues

crack myself open:

let the lotus pollen drift

into unfurled hearts

dance with trees, capture

leaves, frequent needs

pollened winds break

thin mucused whims

a startled rabbit

radio static

caught in a bubble,

we find reassurance in

such iridescence

so many shades of blue have just broke through

the Sunday clouds that flee our sounds

dancing to almost

transparent blue, the limit-

less sky hides the lie

as sunlight shines through

morning waves, my horizon’s

lost in your jeweled gaze

dissolve into blue

transparent depths eluding

the reddening hues

the sands that fill the rocky shore,

once pulled to sea in milky whirls,

find peace beneath the fish’s furied

race to beat the cazón’s teethy hurry

the snake sings across our skin

as fork-tongued tracks strategize kin

when your future becomes the past

grasp the present as if it would last

the slant of morning light

bright white on the iron black

i give you my lukewarm best
at the solemn behest of this mess

the fortune telling
machine, ones and zeroes lost
to polyphony

ego free—
unbound by ropes,
open hands see

chaotic yet calm
like wind dancing across a
shallow rock-strewn stream

need to imagine
a happy end, otherwise
tragedy begins

time for this ball of need
to compost into worm feed

so now im free:
untouched, untethered,
jumping into the sea

easy rhymes
4 cruel times

when all you have is pain to share,
shush it up—folks just dont care

this window, a mirror:
that future, your past.

bury your heart to set if free
in a red hot kiln of apostasy

he had no chance
not with that phantom dance

you set the spark
then snuffed the flame

illusions lost
delusions found
at such cost
ive grown unsound

in this world of plenty
aint nothing more than empty

you may hear what you fear
—when it’s not what’s here,
so let go of the suspicion,
suspend dark apparitions

no need to share—
or see or be seen—
i’ll fold into
an origami seam

i must release
this brain crease

poems, butterflies
in the brain, fluttering til
one lands on your hand

there is no right
i just miss your si(gh)t(e)s

deaf to my currents
until the waterfall roars:
white noise & lost boys

the wind cannot sing
with winter-clipped wing–it howls
nestled in scowls

when you withdraw
the ice never thaws

this obsession is not about possession—
it’s a surrender to the splendour

but be possessed by the obsessed—
and you’ll be suspended until rendered

his touch put out that fire—
until embers burn brighter,
blue flames pulse me higher—
and im consumed in a conflagration of desire

stripmine my heart / then rend it free
of the mineral fat / that powers piety

im hooked
and booked
into your nooks

the dance of shadows beneath a bathroom door
morse code beckoning chemical sinecure

an open heart:
nothing but a beat box

can we float free,
just you and me,
untethered and lost
in a vacuous sea

i held you tight—so full of light—
but still it held, that entrenched night

curves rise to meet my sweat-filled sight
as you press against my noontime light

in you
the moments
true

these words
just noise & boys

or can they empty
into a nothing of plenty

to get over a
broken heart slice into your
chest and cut it out

what it is
is what it will be
and not even that
is up to me

–

what it is

is what it will be—

not like that’s up

to you or me

silence isnt golden
its diamond sharp

why am i pursuing you?
im curious to discover too

you may not have left,
how would i know? people, they
just come——then go

enough with the dark
what a fucking lark

a hungry heart
aint love smart